Monday, September 22, 2008


A short tale of irony

I was driving to a friends house one day and going past the prison in Enfield. I was also listening to Queen's "I want to break free". For those that don't know those are the lyrics. Freddy Mercury sings, as only he can, "I want to break free...". As these lyrics played, I looked at the prison I thought, "how ironic". When I arrived at my friend's house I told the story, to which some other idiot who was there said, "Yeah, it's like when I drive by there, I just yell, 'hey, I'm free'". What!? No! That's exactly what I said. Has that ever happened where you tell a joke or a funny story and some idiot feels they have to one up you right away and ends up telling the exact same joke or story. I have this pet peeve about people stealing my material, and idiots, so this was a double whammy. When it comes to double whammy's I just start swinging, and this time was no different. I just started hitting this guy with my hand, which was in a fist. And, here's where the irony comes into play, I spent time at that jail in the beginning of the story for it. Irony ladies and gentlemen. At least I think that's irony.

Saturday, September 13, 2008


My restaurant chain idea

A couple months ago I had an idea for a themed restaurant chain. The theme would be that the entire restaurant would be upside-down. Now, I know, you're probably asking "Karl, what do you sit on if the place is upside-down?". Well, when I was having dinner on my birthday, thank you (I'm saying thank you to the 'happy belated birthday' you just said to yourself), I noticed all the air ducts and A.C. vents on the ceiling were raised (or lowered). Those would make perfect tables! And one could sit Indian style on the ceiling (floor). "How would you sit at the bar?" you ask, well, the bar table would extend all the way to the ceiling (floor) so you would rest your drinks on the bottom (top) of the table. "Now, Karl, how would people get in the door?". That one we'd have to give in a little, the doors would be normal. Although, technically half of the door is outside, so we could get away that and still be true to our upside-down theme. Maybe the handles could upside-down or something. "So, what's food going to be like?". Well, you're in for a treat. See, the food will also be served upside-down! So, imagine getting a burger on the top bun! Whoa! Or a pizza with the crust touching your top teeth when you bite in! Yeawza! People will fall in love with the idea (after finding it irritating and annoying at first) because we really stick to the idea that everything is upside-down! "That's cool, how will you serve drinks?". Well that one..... alright! You got me! I haven't thought this all the way through. There's probably no way around serving drinks upside-down because all the fluids will spill out and people will never get used to that. Plus, we'd never make up our losses on the money we'd lose on the spilled drinks (we'd have free refills, by the way). Are you happy? You've crushed a little boys dream of having a chain of themed restaurants by be-raiding me with all these fucking questions. I'll never have as successful a restaurant chain as you dad! Everyone can go sit on a dick. Unless you enjoy that- then I hope you never have anal again.

Wait, all this talk about sodomy has given me a new restaurant idea.


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